A long absence

So it has been quite awhile since I published some thoughts on here and my apologies for the delay. I have had a wonderful life change with the birth of my son in December. Life has not been the same since. I find I have no time to do anything but take care of him and that is just fine with me. Feeding, changing diapers and burping is all consuming with a newborn and lack of sleep for the past three months has given me a new perspective on life.
1. Why do babies not come with instruction manuals?
Everything else in this world does so why not infants? Humans have been creating new life and yet no one has put together a comprehensive book. You would think the doctor would say, here is your new child and a complete instruction manual so you know exactly what to do at the right time...yeah right! Guessing is part of the fun and I suppose the learning experience is what makes us better parents.
2. The push gift
I'll admit I never heard of this until I started speaking with some colleagues after my wife and her mother mentioned it to me. Buying a gift for giving birth? What is next? However, when I watched the effort my wife went through and all the pain, bloating, etc. I was in full agreement a push gift is necessary. For the upcoming father, this gift is not optional if you ever want to try making another baby.
3. Crying
Okay this one is probably the hardest to deal with and will require the most patience. Since newborns cannot say "hey dad, my diaper is dirty and I am hungry, can you take care of this stat?" new parents need to learn their own child's' behavior and needs. For the most part a newborn eats every two hours and requires a changing at every feeding. When they want or need something they cry and the trick is to learn which cry requires a specific solution. We have it down now where a steady cry is "I am hungry" (and this is no surprise given I was the same way as a child), a softer cry is "my diaper is wet, can you change this now please?" and a blood curling cry is "holy crap I have a huge freakin gas bubble so you better burp me now if you ever want to have some peace and quiet as well as retain your hearing".
4. Diapers
Newborns go through diapers rapidly and keeping up with the correct sizes is a must. Nothing worse than having the wrong size diaper on your child and having to clean him from head to toe because of faulty equipment. And the stink...let me tell you I assumed with him having breast milk his poo would not stink. Boy was I wrong. He puts his old man to shame! The only place in the house where I was king and now I have to give up my throne. I can't wait till he starts eating real food. I guess I will have to wear a gas mask for the next two years.

Bottom line: I would not trade any of the above and look forward to being a Dad every day.

Technology Drives Impatient Behavior

I just read this article and thought, wow, technology really is an enabler of change. I can communicate with anyone, anywhere and at anytime instantly. How cool is that? Well, not very since I hate being reachable 24x7 yet I am compelled to provide this availability. And why you ask? Because I have become an impatient person and need instant gratification otherwise I get very irritable. It's sad because I remember growing up and never being this way. I lived in a world without answering machines, personal computers, compact disks, portable music/video players electronic mail and instant messaging. Yet I was still able to communicate and function as a normal individual in society (alright, those of you that know me would probably argue I am not normal, but that is another discussion) and was a very patient person. So technology has allowed me to work and live at the speed of light, yet I can no longer take leisure time because of the 24x7 mentality that has been instilled in me squashes those leisurely urges.

Bottom Line: technology is a great enabler for change in our society and can place global communication at our fingertips. But it still cannot bring back the carefree leisure of my youth. Maybe that is why baby boomers are seeking some higher purpose in life other than work. Could be a good queue for us generation "x"ers.

Nothing to do on a rainy Monday....

Since my wife and I were off from work thanks to our italian bretheren, we looked forward to a lazy day of nothingness. Of course it freakin rained all day so to alleviate the boredom I was sent to grab a move. Upon entering the mega movie behemoth I quickly surmised that any good movie would be gone having been upstaged by earlier movie grabbers. Rummaging through the "new" comedy section I came across Eulogy. A quick read of the back cover gave little plot but the cast looked great so I said "what the hell" and grabbed it. I laughed out loud through most of it and thought this needs to get out so others with similar taste in movies could enjoy. So, on to the review.

It takes a much more dire occasion than a holiday to force the Collins family together. The death of Grandpa Collins (Rip Torn) finally brings the embittered family members under the same roof. Kate (Zooey Deschanel) and her has-been actor father (Hank Azaria) find themselves stuck with Uncle Skip (Ray Romano), a sleazy lawyer who has raised two sons so equally vulgar that their own mother has abandoned them. His sister Lucy (Kelly Preston) arrives with her lesbian lover Judy (Famke Janssen), announcing they're to wed; this sets off uptight Aunt Alice (Debra Winger) on a rampage (although later in the movie she too has a flashback of lesbian lust with Samantha played by Glenne Headly). The family's bickering turns into an all-out brawl, with every possible insult and betrayal coming out of the wood work. And as if the constant feuding weren't enough, Grandma Collins (Piper Laurie) seems bent on offing herself with increasingly creative methods. By the time the funeral rolls around the plot has taken dozens of bizarre twists.

If you enjoyed The Big Chill, you will like this romp on the dark side of families growing up and apart. I give it two ass cheeks up!

3Q Earnings Season Begins - Investors Beware of the Blame Game!

With the third-quarter earnings season kicking into gear next week, the blame-it-on-the-rain excuses are starting to pile up across corporate America. It's a challenge for investors to sort out fact from fiction in those reasons. When Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast, women across the country crimped their cosmetics spending. Or at least that's what companies like Avon Products Inc. and Estee Lauder Co. want investors to think. Katrina also caused mattress sales to slide, according to Tempur-Pedic International Inc. The same goes for business at Books-A-Million Inc. stores and Diebold Inc.'s automatic teller machines. There is no doubt that many companies were hard hit by Hurricane Katrina, and in some cases, Rita, too. Given the size of those storms and the paralysis of business along the Gulf Coast, there will certainly be some legitimate costs for business there.
Insurance companies are getting clobbered, as is any business that used New Orleans as a major port. Many retailers with large operations along that coast have also seen significant damage to their stores.
But many excuses lately seem murky, and more are expected as companies report their quarterly results in the coming weeks. Are the storms really hurting business or are they being used to divert attention from more serious problems?
Investors need to be on the lookout for excuses that might seem a little too far-fetched for comfort.

Shopping

Okay, so as some of you may have guessed, I will be a father come January. Never in my wildest dreams did I believe I would be in this position. But, I find myself excited and nervous at the same time. So as part of the preparations, my wife and I went and registered at one of those baby warehouse establishments. Upon arriving there, I noticed several soon to be fathers accompanied their wives so I felt somewhat at ease knowing that I was not the only male forced out of a Sunday afternoon filled with beer, pizza, football and belching.

The first thing that happens is the registration where all manner of information is extracted by a woman who is well past her prime and on the verge of the eternal sleep. I half expected her to take our fingerprints...Luckily she did not. After that process, we were given a shopping gun to zap all items that expectant mothers need. I looked at this list of requirements and began to laugh at the sheer simplicity of their scheme. This list was definitely targeted at first time mothers and included well over 100 items. Now, I am no expert, but given the first 6 months of an infants life is spent sleeping, eating, pooping, etc., do we really need all this material? Nonetheless, we ambled on through the maze of breast pumps, diapers, cribs, strollers...then arriving at the dreaded diaper aisle. As I made my way to that aisle I noticed another young couple looking at the various diaper pails. The father to be looked at me briefly and we exchanged the look of all men who are shopping with their wives (yes ladies, even though we go begrudgingly we would rather be somewhere else doing anything else but shopping). I made a comment about trying to intelligently select the most appropriate diaper pail and the father to be smiled knowing exactly what I meant. His wife gave me a brief smile probably recognizing our dismay at being there and the led him down another aisle.

After two hours we were done. Tired and hungry we made our way to the nearest eatery and then home. Upon our arrival home, my wife went online to review the registry and began adding more items to the already monstrous list. After that she stated we should have selected some clothing. I sighed knowing this was not going to be my day. Turns out she used the power of technology and began shopping at light speed at one of the popular apparel stores. Within ten minutes she cranked out an impressive $300 tally. What on earth could a newborn possibly need to wear other than diapers I wondered. I made the mistake of saying this out loud and even though my wife was on a different floor, she heard every word and then summoned me to the computer so she could show me everything she purchased.

Ah well, I never did get to see the games....

The "Present"

Steve: Hey Kip. Angela told me I should ask you about buying a present for my wife since she is pregnant (due Jan 12). why do i need to buy a present? she and Kirsty were adamant about it and Angela suggested you could provide some sound reasoning (from the dude's perspective).
Kip: dude -- you need all the "points" you can get -- all the pain, suffering, swelling, discomfort, anxiety, fear, nausea, invasive tests, needles, rumors of "tearing", goo, etc., etc., are YOUR fault (or will be, when all reason and logic leaves the room, which it will, at the worst time). And you can't know what it's like (even if you could, you'll be told that you can't, and that's just how it is... arguing brings you that much closer to death), so any way that you can appear thoughtful, empathetic, caring, involved, concerned, will keep your head attached to your shoulders/neck (although at time, you may wish that someone would cleanly remove it for you).
Steve: good advice...guess a bit of an investment in a present will save me years of certain doom and misery
Kip: and DON'T make fun of swelling, bigness, weight, or anything remotely pertaining to the pregnant state (although there are many opportunities -- nothing about pregnancy is particularly elegant)... I did this -- to lighten the mood, just appear involved, etc. -- every female within 50 miles went into battle mode, with me as the target....
Kip: the doom and misery will still be yours, but at least you can present a case that you tried...
Steve: someone should write a book (you) so fathers to be could contemplate this prior to making the ultimate commitment
Kip: get a Dula. Get housecleaning for the first few weeks. Get food laid up for the siege. Get advice -- and get a line that will shut everyone up when they give you too much advice.
Steve: what is a dula?
Kip: we used, "that's interesting. But the Pediatrician said to ______."
Steve: that is a good line
Kip: A dula is with you at the hospital and/or at home with you post-birth -- knows all about what's going on, can give advice, can take the inconsolable baby and give you a breather -- which you'll need -- and she won't be "family" so you can ask her to help with what you need help with -- buying the right undergarments (if you have a C-section to deal with), making meals, cleaning up -- Mothers in Law want to spend time with the new baby -- not clean the house or make a food run - they'll tell you that they'll do whatever you need -- and if you have the guts to ask for help running the house, they'll shoot laser beams from their eyes and suggest that you do it.
Kip: At which point, you start looking for that kind soul to remove your head cleanly from your neck.
Kip: But that's not an option.
Steve: funny Jen mentioned a baby nurse which i guess is equal to a dula...she actually stated..."we are getting one, this is not an option."
Steve: so i guess we will have a dula
Kip: The Dula knows what she's doing -- you won't. Your wife won't. You'll panic. The baby won't ______ (latch on, feed, wake up, shut up, move, etc., etc,) -- the Dula will know what's wrong, how to fix it (it's mostly easy, once you know what you're doing -- but at the time, you'll be in a blind panic, assuming the worst -- that REAL harm is going on, and that you have 5 second to fix it or the world ends (kinda like the ending of every McGuiver episode) ) -- it sounds melodramatic, but the fear will be real and you'll need someone to pull your head from your backside.
Kip: And if she's at the hospital with you, she can explain things, watch for stuff, and keep the Father from hurting himself or someone else -- at the hospital, you're about as important as a dust bunny, and just about as wanted in the room -- unless you leave the room -- and then there's a contract out on your head. At least with the dula, you're paying for someone to be on your side -- we didn't have one at the hospital, but in retrospect, it would have been THE thing to do.
Kip: Since we didn't, I spend most of my sane moments chatting up the nursing staff -- BRING THEM FOOD
Kip: As soon as your allowed to, go out and get 2 doz. bagels and cream cheese (bring lite and regular) for the nursing staff
Kip: they will like you
Kip: they will take care of you
Kip: this will save you
Kip: Baby nurse may be the same thing -- not sure, but if it is, YOU WILL GET ONE.
Kip: Get a gift. Get the baby's room ready as early as you can. Get a Dula / Baby Nurse. Get the "bug off" line ready. Arrange for housecleaning -- the house will get disgusting, and you won't have time to clean it, let alone the energy (and if Jen has a C-Section, she won't be able to help with it, or much else for a while). Figure out where the baby will sleep -- we never had Julianna in the same room with us -- I think this saved us much in the long run, but this is all up to you --- just get the plan in place. Get the car seat in the car -- and practice taking the craddle in and out -- at least 10 times -- if you drop the craddle taking it out of the car on the way home from the hospital, you will be a dead man. And go to the hospital and find out where you park at The Time
Kip: and how long you can leave the car there without getting it towed
Kip: I made some custom CDs with soothing / favorite music on it -- and brought the boom box to play them on -- got points for this.
Kip: points are good.
Steve: sweet suggestions....i am going to add this to a reference book for me. thanks again for the input
Kip: I'll stop now...
Kip: get help.
Kip: The time for questions is long over -- do what you're told -- and then you can join the rest of us down-trodden for a beer.
Steve: look forward to it
Kip: Advice = instructions.
Kip: May the gods be with you. Many have gone before you and lived -- although most doubted they would at the time. This will be the scariest rollercoaster ride you can imagine -- and there are no ways off the ride, and there is no safety bar to hold you in the seat.
Kip: But none would have missed the opportunity, in hindsight.
Steve: is there a crash helmet?
Kip: The only armor you'll have is the advice you've gotten from other Mothers -- you can always say that you sought out experience, and experience told you X -- this may buy you enough time to dodge whatever you're about to hit.
Steve: good observation

Would you believe?

A giant brothel set to cater for tens of thousands of football fans at next year's World Cup in Germany is opening its doors in Berlin.
Built just yards from the main stadium, its owner believes the three-storey Artemis brothel will be a big hit with World Cup visitors.
Norman Jacob, lawyer for the private investor who wishes to remain anonymous, said: "Football and sex go together extremely well."
Prostitutes wanting to use the facility also have to pay £50 to "rent" a room there for three months. For that price they get free meals and access to the Artemis gym.
Prostitutes negotiate their own fees with clients who must also pay an entrance fee of £50 to enter the complex, which has rooms for more than 100 girls as well as a sauna and lap dancing bar.

Hurricane (mis)management

I can't help but comment on the Washington name blame game. Without ranting and raving on this topic anymore than already has been, the bottom line: all levels of government (local, state, federal) failed, period. Stop wasting time on this fact and start helping the victims. The insurance companies can certainly come out as heros if they can agree to pay the claims, no matter if one of the cause of loss was flood. The theory of concurrent causation principles state that if two causes combine to produce loss or damage, and one of the two causes is excluded (e.g., flood) and the other cause (e.g., wind) is covered, the claim should be paid.