The "Present"

Steve: Hey Kip. Angela told me I should ask you about buying a present for my wife since she is pregnant (due Jan 12). why do i need to buy a present? she and Kirsty were adamant about it and Angela suggested you could provide some sound reasoning (from the dude's perspective).
Kip: dude -- you need all the "points" you can get -- all the pain, suffering, swelling, discomfort, anxiety, fear, nausea, invasive tests, needles, rumors of "tearing", goo, etc., etc., are YOUR fault (or will be, when all reason and logic leaves the room, which it will, at the worst time). And you can't know what it's like (even if you could, you'll be told that you can't, and that's just how it is... arguing brings you that much closer to death), so any way that you can appear thoughtful, empathetic, caring, involved, concerned, will keep your head attached to your shoulders/neck (although at time, you may wish that someone would cleanly remove it for you).
Steve: good advice...guess a bit of an investment in a present will save me years of certain doom and misery
Kip: and DON'T make fun of swelling, bigness, weight, or anything remotely pertaining to the pregnant state (although there are many opportunities -- nothing about pregnancy is particularly elegant)... I did this -- to lighten the mood, just appear involved, etc. -- every female within 50 miles went into battle mode, with me as the target....
Kip: the doom and misery will still be yours, but at least you can present a case that you tried...
Steve: someone should write a book (you) so fathers to be could contemplate this prior to making the ultimate commitment
Kip: get a Dula. Get housecleaning for the first few weeks. Get food laid up for the siege. Get advice -- and get a line that will shut everyone up when they give you too much advice.
Steve: what is a dula?
Kip: we used, "that's interesting. But the Pediatrician said to ______."
Steve: that is a good line
Kip: A dula is with you at the hospital and/or at home with you post-birth -- knows all about what's going on, can give advice, can take the inconsolable baby and give you a breather -- which you'll need -- and she won't be "family" so you can ask her to help with what you need help with -- buying the right undergarments (if you have a C-section to deal with), making meals, cleaning up -- Mothers in Law want to spend time with the new baby -- not clean the house or make a food run - they'll tell you that they'll do whatever you need -- and if you have the guts to ask for help running the house, they'll shoot laser beams from their eyes and suggest that you do it.
Kip: At which point, you start looking for that kind soul to remove your head cleanly from your neck.
Kip: But that's not an option.
Steve: funny Jen mentioned a baby nurse which i guess is equal to a dula...she actually stated..."we are getting one, this is not an option."
Steve: so i guess we will have a dula
Kip: The Dula knows what she's doing -- you won't. Your wife won't. You'll panic. The baby won't ______ (latch on, feed, wake up, shut up, move, etc., etc,) -- the Dula will know what's wrong, how to fix it (it's mostly easy, once you know what you're doing -- but at the time, you'll be in a blind panic, assuming the worst -- that REAL harm is going on, and that you have 5 second to fix it or the world ends (kinda like the ending of every McGuiver episode) ) -- it sounds melodramatic, but the fear will be real and you'll need someone to pull your head from your backside.
Kip: And if she's at the hospital with you, she can explain things, watch for stuff, and keep the Father from hurting himself or someone else -- at the hospital, you're about as important as a dust bunny, and just about as wanted in the room -- unless you leave the room -- and then there's a contract out on your head. At least with the dula, you're paying for someone to be on your side -- we didn't have one at the hospital, but in retrospect, it would have been THE thing to do.
Kip: Since we didn't, I spend most of my sane moments chatting up the nursing staff -- BRING THEM FOOD
Kip: As soon as your allowed to, go out and get 2 doz. bagels and cream cheese (bring lite and regular) for the nursing staff
Kip: they will like you
Kip: they will take care of you
Kip: this will save you
Kip: Baby nurse may be the same thing -- not sure, but if it is, YOU WILL GET ONE.
Kip: Get a gift. Get the baby's room ready as early as you can. Get a Dula / Baby Nurse. Get the "bug off" line ready. Arrange for housecleaning -- the house will get disgusting, and you won't have time to clean it, let alone the energy (and if Jen has a C-Section, she won't be able to help with it, or much else for a while). Figure out where the baby will sleep -- we never had Julianna in the same room with us -- I think this saved us much in the long run, but this is all up to you --- just get the plan in place. Get the car seat in the car -- and practice taking the craddle in and out -- at least 10 times -- if you drop the craddle taking it out of the car on the way home from the hospital, you will be a dead man. And go to the hospital and find out where you park at The Time
Kip: and how long you can leave the car there without getting it towed
Kip: I made some custom CDs with soothing / favorite music on it -- and brought the boom box to play them on -- got points for this.
Kip: points are good.
Steve: sweet suggestions....i am going to add this to a reference book for me. thanks again for the input
Kip: I'll stop now...
Kip: get help.
Kip: The time for questions is long over -- do what you're told -- and then you can join the rest of us down-trodden for a beer.
Steve: look forward to it
Kip: Advice = instructions.
Kip: May the gods be with you. Many have gone before you and lived -- although most doubted they would at the time. This will be the scariest rollercoaster ride you can imagine -- and there are no ways off the ride, and there is no safety bar to hold you in the seat.
Kip: But none would have missed the opportunity, in hindsight.
Steve: is there a crash helmet?
Kip: The only armor you'll have is the advice you've gotten from other Mothers -- you can always say that you sought out experience, and experience told you X -- this may buy you enough time to dodge whatever you're about to hit.
Steve: good observation

Would you believe?

A giant brothel set to cater for tens of thousands of football fans at next year's World Cup in Germany is opening its doors in Berlin.
Built just yards from the main stadium, its owner believes the three-storey Artemis brothel will be a big hit with World Cup visitors.
Norman Jacob, lawyer for the private investor who wishes to remain anonymous, said: "Football and sex go together extremely well."
Prostitutes wanting to use the facility also have to pay £50 to "rent" a room there for three months. For that price they get free meals and access to the Artemis gym.
Prostitutes negotiate their own fees with clients who must also pay an entrance fee of £50 to enter the complex, which has rooms for more than 100 girls as well as a sauna and lap dancing bar.

Hurricane (mis)management

I can't help but comment on the Washington name blame game. Without ranting and raving on this topic anymore than already has been, the bottom line: all levels of government (local, state, federal) failed, period. Stop wasting time on this fact and start helping the victims. The insurance companies can certainly come out as heros if they can agree to pay the claims, no matter if one of the cause of loss was flood. The theory of concurrent causation principles state that if two causes combine to produce loss or damage, and one of the two causes is excluded (e.g., flood) and the other cause (e.g., wind) is covered, the claim should be paid.